I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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