Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
