He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
