She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
