these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
