did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
