also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What a dumb baby whore.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
