STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
