Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
