For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
