Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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