you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
