Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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