I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
