it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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