I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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