I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
