remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
