I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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