my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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