Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
