the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
