Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
