Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
