The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
