He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
