i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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