I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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