Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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