i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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