I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
