Dude my mom stole all your condoms
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
