So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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