The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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