I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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