First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
