I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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