Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
