Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
