When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize