i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
