Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
