I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
