Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
