Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
