Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
