I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
