I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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