I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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