It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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