Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize