You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
