week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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