i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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