Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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