guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it glows. i had to have it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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