Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
