did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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