dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
