I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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