HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
