When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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