If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
