Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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